I bought a 3 class pass to Soul Cycle a few months ago and finally used my last ride last week! I'd been putting it off because I love Soul Cycle and I didn't want to use up my 3rd ride! If you haven't tried it out, you should because it's so much fun. It's positive and up-lifting and motivational...and I always leave sweaty and ready to conquer the day! In my last class the coach kept reminding everyone to go at their own pace and to not compare their pace to someone else's or their journey to someone else's but to let it empower them!
AMEN! THAT has been something that's been on my mind soo much lately. I mean, it's a struggle to go about life without feeling some sort of envy and/or comparision from time to time. It's called being human.
BUT ENVY & COMPARISON, especially in the day and age we live, is an easy thing to fall into. And if we aren't mindful and intentional about NOT letting it take over, it can be so harmful to our outlook and the way we live our lives.
And it's not only prevalent on social media, although perhaps a little more apparent. It's something that can unfold in all aspects of life...
- "They're my age and they've already accomplished SO MUCH. I'm over here struggling with x, y & z and I still have no idea what I want to do!"
- "They're getting engaged/married/buying their first house/having kids and moving on to the next stage in life. And I'm still here."
- "That person has x, y, & z, and I don't."
- "That person is prettier/smarter/more in shape, etc. etc."
How do we stop comparing?? Or at least acknowledge that we're doing it and then move on in a healthy and positive way!
I'M STILL WORKING ON THAT TOO. However, I will say, it get's easier to not compare and let it motivate, the more I do a few things:
- Address and acknowledge what is making me feel insecure, and then remind myself of my intrinsic worth.
- Adopt a gratitude practice.
- Let someone else's success encourage me. Learn from it and cheer on my peers because we are all in this together and we can all help each other out!
- Guard myself in certain ways, especially on social media, and especially when I'm feeling vulnerable/negative/down in the dumps and those things are starting to control me instead of the other way around.
Stop Comparing Yourself, You're Awesome!
Address, Acknowledge & Remind
I think back to when I was first dating Sam and how much comparison and jealousy ruled me. Before I started seriously dating...I would not have considered myself an insecure person. I wouldn't think anything about seeing a pretty girl walk by besides "she's really pretty!" I didn't have anything to lose at that point, so why would I?
Of course, as soon as a serious guy entered the picture and I was invested, fear entered the picture. What if I'm not enough? What if this pretty girl steals his attention? What if what if what if....
Of course Sam was and is a great guy, but I had some straight up moments where I let jealousy and comparison completely dictate my thoughts and actions. I mean, I've got some great stories from my insane behavior. But I'll save those for another time...
The thing is, NOT acknowledging my insecurities has never made anything better. But acknowledging them, and then talking or thinking through them reasonably definitely has. And not only thinking reasonably, but reminding myself of who I am and my worth that is not based on circumstance or any person, or what I have or how I look, but that God thought me up, gave me life, gives me grace and loves me dearly. THAT can downright bring me to tears!
Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude
Friends, this is one I CONTINUALLY have to work on. I bother Sam constantly about the three things that I want but don't have: life at the beach, a boat and a jeep. I WANT THEM SO BAD, but I know they're just things, and I know I can be kind of shallow sometimes. I mean, I know in my heart of hearts that if I had those three things, my life would not feel complete. I would still want more. I'd want the next thing that I don't have...because THINGS are never enough. What I continually have to remind myself is that I have more than enough. That I'm extremely blessed. That I've got it really good. That there are people in this world who are actually in NEED. That I need to think less about myself and more about others. But also to be grateful and thankful for the things that I do have.
Thank you God for this day. Thank you God for my health. Thank you God for my loved one's and their health. Thank you God for the roof over my head and the food in the fridge! Um, and that we have electricity and running water. Thank you for the sun, or the rain, for my two working legs, for my two fur-babies who I'm POSITIVE you brought specifically to us. Thank you God for my husband who I'm 100% sure you brought into my life on purpose. Thank you for my life. I love my life. Help me not to constantly grasp and want, but to enjoy and love and give.
This is a gratitude practice that I have to remind myself of and practice SO often.
We're All in This Together
Did anyone else have the High School Musical song in their head? I think I was a senior in high school when that movie came out...which is only slightly embarrassing because TBH I loved disney channel shows when I was in high school. Hannah Montana was the jam. But anyway...
Sometimes it's easiest to compare yourself to someone who is doing something similar to you, or who is doing something you want to do, or who is doing something you are doing but more successfully. AMIRIGHT?
I don't have a care in the world that Miley Cyrus who is 24 and marrying Liam Hemsworth is a gajillion times more successful than I'll ever be while also 4 years younger than me. BUT talk to me about someone in the Austin area who's blogging and doing collabs and all that jazz more successfully than I am, and my ears perk up. I start thinking, "what are they working on", "where are they off to next", blahblahblah.
And I REALLY LIKE these people, but I just can't help but compare myself to them.
What I have to remind myself is that no matter WHAT I'm doing, there will always be someone better at it. And that I can definitely respect their hustle and learn from them and befriend them and be a cheerleader and advocate of them. Because life is short and relationships matter and how you treat and make people feel matters! Being the introvert I am, I sometimes have to remind myself of that!
No matter what, people matter more than my egotistical pursuits.
Guard Your Mind and Heart!
So yes, all of the above are important. But sometimes you just have to cut the crap! Ya know? Sometimes you know where your weaknesses lie and you take the right precautions!
If I want to stop eating poorly I don't keep snickers in the pantry or ice cream in the freezer, right?! I mean, that sounds like the fastest possible route to falling off the wagon.
Same thing goes for situations you know will lead you to a negative head space.
If you need to unfollow someone on social media then do it. It's not the end of the world.
If you need to remove certain peer pressures or unhealthy people in your life, then do it.
If you need to change your scenery/situation, then do it.
Distance from a certain trigger will usually help provide perspective and clarity! So never feel selfish for taking the time and space you need to gain that.