It's one of those nights where I feel like gushing about Sam. IF there is one thing about him traveling so much that is good - it's the space that it gives me to reflect on our life together! I mean, it's easy to have all of the feels from a distance though...
On any normal night when he's been home for a few weeks, and especially around that special time of month, you might probably find me being a monster - and on other not so special times, I might just be an ungrateful brat. I eb and flow. Sometimes too, I am even keeled and sweet and dare I say, funny? Maybe just to Sam, and I appreciate that. But I blame my hormones because tonight they have me feeling super sappy.
I AM SO GLAD I MARRIED THAT GUY. Like, seriously. It seems to just get better and better the longer we are together. Because we have learned each other so well. And we've gone through things that have made us so much closer than when I walked down the aisle and had NO CLUE how much work marriage actually is. Because let me tell you...we've walked through some trying times.
+ Like almost seriously breaking up while dating because I was can be a lot to handle. Like my dad said at my wedding, I can definitely be a force of nature. And I knew when I started dating Sam that he would be able to handle it. I mean, that's why he was the first person I dated seriously.
+ Like half of my family not coming to our wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding. You guys, Jesus is still my Savior, calm down. Jesus would not say something mean to you, so I won't either. I'll still great you with a smile at family functions because that's what we do, right? Even though there's a whole bunch of things going on behind the scenes that are ridiculous and hurtful (and yes, I'll sometimes leave early because I can't handle the amount of bullshit) and then work on my bitter resentment in private, or publicly on my blog, so that one day I will be more forgiving like Jesus.
+ Like my Christian faith journey and us meeting in the middle between Catholicism and Baptist-ism? And getting used to this whole Protestant Christian and Bible Church thing. Hands raised during worship and impromptu prayers were not something I was used to...nor liked at first. And some of it I am still not used to (can we not be so long-winded, how many songs do we need before the dang sermon. That's what I want to hear. Maybe one or two songs. And then the sermon. Thanks!)...but that doesn't define my Christianity and my personal relationship with God and Jesus and both of them/all of them.
+ Like my crazy crazzzzzy insecurities and lack of self confidence early on in our relationship that literally made me act like an insane person at times.
+ Like stupid threats to leave him in arguments that started over something so small and somehow spiraled because of my anger and pride and not knowing how to forgive very well. And then of course realizing after my anger had turned into giant pitiful sobs, that [I was/we were both] being a jackass, and I couldn't leave Sam because I love him too much, even if I wasn't loving him very well in that moment. We aren't perfect, we're human.
So those were some things. Just to name A FEW. Life is tough, y'all. And it could possibly get tougher...you never really know what curve balls will come your way. BUT its also really good.
Marriage takes work, and it's obviously different for everyone, but it's SO WORTH IT. Especially when it's the right person. I couldn't imagine my life without that guy.
And through it ALL, Sam has been my rock. And he's someone that I am so proud of continually. I think he works as hard as anyone possibly can to support our little family, and to support my dreams and goals. He's been SO supportive and I am so grateful for that.
I think he knows me better than anyone, sometimes better than I know myself or am willing to admit about myself. AND HE LOVES ME STILL. GOD BLESS THE MAN.
He's taught me slowly how to forgive by example. As well as patience and kindness, even when [ I, we] don't feel like it. We learn and grow more every year it seems like and I'm more in love with him than ever.
Also - He's incredibly smart, and VERY funny. And we are the perfect kind of weird when it's just the two of us.
I LOVE THAT GUY. So thanks for letting me gush about Sam. I mean, it is my blog. But I'm glad that you are reading it!